I keep telling

myself that this will be my last entry into this prison of memories, yet I keep finding myself contributing to my misery...

I've realized how different and alienated 'She' left me feeling about myself and of life itself. At one point in my life I was truly happy as I had never had a taste of this unwordly emotion. Yet she found me when I was unprepared and scarred my heart, so deeply that I'm astonished to see that it still supplies my body of this wretched, miserable and sorrowful lifesource.

It's become a daily ritual to kiss one of the few keepsakes I have of our once brief moment together even though it just leaves me dry and longing to be united once more. I keep asking myself, that before I die... will I ever be able to feel her heartbeat against my chest, smell her ever so soft skin and heavenly strands of hair, or feel her sweet, warm breath echoing into my ear, whispering the very words I seek at every unoccupied moment in my mind? If she has moved on with her life, would she come to my funeral with her husband and family?

Even in the age of digital magic do I suffer the death defying blows of one who rests his love in one and one only. With every message or incoming phonecall on my cell-phone, and with every new instant message on my digital scribe, do I envision 'her' on the other side and imagine as to what environment and what her thoughts and facial expression was at the time of creating and sending the message to me. O' the dissapointment I feel when I discover it is not 'her'... but alas this is the consequence I must pay for upholding such foolish and selfish high hopes... and onwards does the Curse of the Lone Wolf continue...