Reminiscent of the Past...

Two years later, things have changed, I've moved on and yet I feel like my feelings haven't changed.

New faces and new feelings, I feel like my heart has gotten a jump start and is slowly humming back to life, the gears revving in motion and the cob-webs shriveling away.

I survived two years of torment; do I have it in me to go through this agony all over again?

So many people, so many regrets, so many evening strolls, jogs and cruises... music blaring in the background, nostalgia and melancholy running rampant throughout my mind… my vows of the past are broken… must my feelings towards someone else always prevail over that of my own?

Why can’t I be truly happy… those financially less fortunate I, they smile and laugh as they do what they must … yet the privileged pity these men when it is the less fortunate who are more content… for they do not suffer the ethereal burns of the fire that is love. When the birds awaken and sing their songs of life, these men keep the terra firma beautiful, with their pearly white smiles, side by side with one another while we sleep and dream…our minds set on the next day… things to do, what to buy, what to wear, what to eat, who to see, who to impress…

I pass by these men; fatigue has struck the very depths of my core, the music keeps me awake… I breathe in the crisp morning air coming through my windows, the wind blows through my hair… the chirping of the birds somehow overcomes the words of people who claim to know what I am barely enduring. This is what it feels like to truly be alive… I salute them with a friendly wave… their presence inspires me, I admire these men, and I envy them.

Love is luxury that not all can afford… but these men survive without this treasure I so thoughtlessly cherish… am I as strong as they are to abstain from it? Is this enigma of life such a thing my flesh, my bone, my sinew, my nerves, and my soul can do without? Do I truly want to whisk it away? Am I a madman to wish for peace for the war raging within my very essence?