Indescribable

Mature, wise, experienced, and wise these are the things that firstly and mostly attracted me to her. I’ve never met someone with such a determination and with such a rare and noble goal (in this part of the world) as writing a book before. She is perfect from her smile to the way she runs her hand through her hair. Her eyes reveal nothing about her history adding mysteriousness to her. Even the way she walks signifies that she is proud and full of confidence. The way she constantly plays with her black sunglasses removing it and putting it back in her hair is so womanlike. She is the ideal woman, full of ideas and morals with a beauty that you would only find in a dream. What scares me the most is the very idea that she may not or ever will feel the same way I do about her due to my age and looks. I am scared of knowing that after doing the seemingly impossible task of opening my heart to another will still not change my fate of walking this earth alone forever.

She speaks of tales someone like me will never go through further strengthening my belief that I will never obtain her love. My first love is actually related to her, it’s as if Ill never be rid of her influences. I still love her of course but she has hurt my heart far too many times for so long to the point that I never thought I would find someone else. From what I’ve noticed of myself is that I tend to have infatuations far too easily, sometimes prior to even talking or getting to know the person. It pains me to see that I’ve repeated mistakes I thought I overcame but with her I genuinely believe that I am truly falling in love with her. I’ve talked to her, and gotten to know her and there are some things about her which simply cannot be put into words. It hurts me to a point beyond anything I’ve endured before, perhaps even more than what I had endured with my first love.

She at the time was my idea of perfect, it’s quite surprising to see and finally be able to admit that now she isn’t or ever could have been my ideal utopian love. My generation consists of people not compatible with my every desire which is something I’ve learned to deal with. The very idea that I have found someone who is my ideal love yet feel as if I can never be with her is indeed a pain and a burden that I sincerely believe no one has had to deal with. They all mention of their pathetic boyfriend girl friend issues with the assumption that I knew what they were dealing with. I do not believe in that sort of materialistic and temporary relationship, I believe in deeper more meaningful relationships. A relationship where the parts would know of my intentions and give me their blessings is indeed the best kind of relationship as it would be in harmony with the noble teachings of Islam. It has saddened me to have gone through life thinking that I was the only person to so passionately believe in this but I am certain ‘She’ feels the same way as well. Words simply cannot explain all that I feel for her, what I have written so far is only a percentage of what I truly feel for her. My sole wish in life is to be with her yet deep down I believe I will relive my curse of the… ‘Lone Wolf’.