myself that this will be my last entry into this prison of memories, yet I keep finding myself contributing to my misery...
I've realized how different and alienated 'She' left me feeling about myself and of life itself. At one point in my life I was truly happy as I had never had a taste of this unwordly emotion. Yet she found me when I was unprepared and scarred my heart, so deeply that I'm astonished to see that it still supplies my body of this wretched, miserable and sorrowful lifesource.
It's become a daily ritual to kiss one of the few keepsakes I have of our once brief moment together even though it just leaves me dry and longing to be united once more. I keep asking myself, that before I die... will I ever be able to feel her heartbeat against my chest, smell her ever so soft skin and heavenly strands of hair, or feel her sweet, warm breath echoing into my ear, whispering the very words I seek at every unoccupied moment in my mind? If she has moved on with her life, would she come to my funeral with her husband and family?
Even in the age of digital magic do I suffer the death defying blows of one who rests his love in one and one only. With every message or incoming phonecall on my cell-phone, and with every new instant message on my digital scribe, do I envision 'her' on the other side and imagine as to what environment and what her thoughts and facial expression was at the time of creating and sending the message to me. O' the dissapointment I feel when I discover it is not 'her'... but alas this is the consequence I must pay for upholding such foolish and selfish high hopes... and onwards does the Curse of the Lone Wolf continue...
4 comments:
It’s a shame you don’t show this girl what you have written so beautifully in this blog. If she was to read how you feel about her today, I really think that she would want to work things out especially if at one point in her life she returned your feelings.
Don’t let her go so easily, fight for what you want. Living your life without the person you love is hard. You develop this routine in you daily life just to survive and you keep telling yourself I am ok I am ok, but deep down you know your not. Only you don’t want to admit it because you tired of missing that person and wanting to be with them and thinking of them, and you just want to live a normal life
Do you really want to live the rest of your life in lying to yourself? What if the unthinkable happens and she meets someone do you want to ask yourself everyday what if I had said this and done that?
Take a chance and tell her and if you think you wont be able to express yourself so well just show her your blog. Anyway I wish you the best and your quest to move on and forgetting
Hey, i was advised to read your blog, and i am impressed and i know exactly how you feel.
many a time before i have been in your shoes, and many nights i have soaked my pillow with tears and begged and prayed to God to make me forget or to at least stop crying so that i can be ready and as solid as a rock for the next day..
Many poems i wrote many tears that have had no use for anyone and many stories have told, but to no avail, they gave me soul solace, knowing that someone can listen, and by some miracle they would bring that someone back to me...
But, here i am, with the right person, i met them after it all, after i had decided to live as QUeen Elizabeth the First, and devote myself to my work alone, i have met the one i love, and he was there, infront of my eyes for so long and i didnt notice..
I am living proof of your possible recovery..
i hope u all the best and i will be passing by your blog often and why dont u pass by mine..
Take care...
B.L
Sometimes you just have to hold on and be strong. No girl no matter what is worth it, just remember. No matter how many times I think I'll never meet someone better (after falling in love) I do, because I'm not afraid of letting go. I know you won't understand, because in the game of love only hard lessons can teach us wisdom, but that leaves one thing to be said: what's better, to learn that damned lesson or never to learn it at all.
Nomad,
What you have been thru is a life changing experience, despite the pain, your emotions have matured. You have been touched by its fire and it leaves us changed.
Its sweet the way you described your sensations about the incoming calls and texts. The sweet thing about love is that it holds a great resevoir of memories that fill our brain gaps and act as comfort cushions against our pain. You will survive. trust me
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